It Starts With a Spore

It all starts with a spark, but in this case, it started with a spore. In 2020, at the start of the pandemic, I was sick, fat, and depressed. And as the lockdown was just getting started, I went through the worst breakup of my life. Being the clever boy I am, I knew that there is a strong correlation between psilosybin and curing depression. So one the worst night of my life, I made the decision to take a heroic dose and turn what was already an awful night, into a night so bad words fail.

The next morning I woke up, feeling like a pumpkin that had its insides scraped clean, and I had a thought. My weight was the source of all of my insecurities. I had been obese since I was eight, and had struggled with it for over two decades. Going forward in life, if I did not get my weight under control, I would be doomed to repeat this cycle with every woman I date, but how could I do it?

I had been trying to lose weight my entire life. There is not a fad diet that I hadn't done. There was not a study on fat loss that I had not read. There was no rock that I had left uncovered, and yet here I was, morbidly obese, and unable to change. And then I had an idea. An awful idea. The grinch had a wonderful, awful idea.

So I sat down and got to work, synthesizing everything I had ever learned about the human body, fat loss, muscle growth, genetics, and biology. And then I wrote down a simple plan, and started to run it. In the next two weeks I had lost as much weight as any diet I had ever done. In a month, my best friend and roommate had started to copy me in secret, getting the exact same results. Four weeks in I had a mental breakdown, because this was the easiest thing I had ever done to lose weight, and had already lost more than I would have ever expected. I had to keep lowering my goal weight because I kept smashing though those goals.

I started to reach out to friends I knew that had also struggled with their weight. I gave them my quick guide and a few pointers, and most turned me down because it looked stupid, and the ones who gave it a whirl got results even better than me. It was at this point I started to reach out to friends who are personal trainers, to give them the information I had discovered, so that they could help their clients.

And not a single one of them gave a flying fuck. Every single trainer I explained my program to shot it down. People, who had never been obese, were now being given a recipe to success for taking an obese person, and transforming them at a cellular level to a lean person, and they were shooting me down because it went against everything they were taught to believe.

So I became a personal trainer, and started working with people looking to lose weight. And lo and behold, my method worked wonders, and it was during this time that I decided “fuck it”. Fuck the fitness industry, fuck the food industry, fuck all of these clowns. If I can’t convince people to do things my way, I will become a force in the industry so strong, so unrelenting, that I will force them to listen to me. Which is why you are reading this, because of my unrelenting rage at fat loss professionals.

This is just the beginning.